Cliff Jumping

If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be too cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. Annie Dillard

I like Annie Dillard. Her use of language is direct and evocative. The quote I posted above is both brave and wise. She made me realise that I am a cliff jumper even though I viewed my life as ordinary. Sometimes I am cynical because I do have an active 'monkey' in my brain which works overtime some days. When it comes to big things however my desire to fly takes over even when my wings are torn and battered.

The edge of the cliff led me to found a thirty-six year business which created change in many circles and supported my family and me in good style. It brought me to the prairies and away from a hard and lonely relationship with family. It has dropped me into two marriages which both taught me some excellent facts about life and opened up new ways of thinking - although my feathers were singed rather severely by both experiences.

The will to create life even in dire economic circumstance, delivered two interesting, exciting and beautiful girls into this world and I still consider that creation to be my most important and most wonderful. They, in their turn, have taken the plunge in to midair, and now between them, mother 5 children.

My third marriage, a flight of great faith, has been the best teacher and has given the most happiness. I am grateful for this relationship. It has given me time to grow new feathers and strengthen my intellectual muscle for the next series of flights.

I made tiny leaps when I bought and sold various homes and commercial properties. The first house in Regina, was the scariest but it got easier with each successive change. It turned out to be a profitable effort.

I cut my waist -length hair in 1974 which gave me a whole new, improved view of myself. I had thought I would be less of a woman with less hair but in fact, the action put my childhood behind me. This step was every bit as challenging as striding into the real estate pool.

I did some mighty cliff jumping when I decided to retire. For more than three decades I was the President of my own firm and called the shots. My actions affected my employees and me. The consequences of a really poor decision or strategy had the potential to hurt a lot of families. I loved and hated the situation in equal measure. So much pressure. Even in success there is the dark fear that it cannot be repeated. When I grew too weary to continue, I closed down my corporate world in order to rest and rebuild. I have still not recovered from that fall but I know in time, the bruises will disappear. For who am I now that I am just myself without a role in life?

With help of Natalie Goldberg's wonderful books. I will free myself from the writing for profit mindset that launched my business. I have determined that I will teach myself how the recapture the wonder of the world and write about it with honesty and trust. Wish me well as I prepare my baby wings for one more time.